The Mess: 3.22.22

Maybe doing everything

On my own

Is bad.

Maybe it feeds

My ego;

Thinking I can do it all.

It's not like I want

To do it all,

I have to do it all.

Not out of compulsion,

But necessity.

No one is here to help me

No one is even offering.

I am a band of one,

Because I write punk band music.

It is what I hear in my head

When I am thinking of new songs.

A loud punk band.

My friends are all too busy

People I've tried to recruit

Call me shit in my own home

While they are editing

Nudes for instagram.

Or they cannot

Match my dedication

Or they don't wanna play the drums

When they introduced

Themselves as a drummer.

But I want to create

I don't want to stop.

So I make due,

Because I HAVE to.

I make the art for my releases,

I have the vision,

Do I also have the skills

To pull it off?

I really don't know,

Maybe?

But I have something

That is simple

That is consistent

That is what I am proud

To put my name on.

Music is hard enough to find

No need to make it harder

By NOT having a picture

For people to look for.

I do not have many friends

The ones I do have

Have their own shit

TO worry about

That is happening in their lives.

They don't have time to

Shill for me

To hock my wares

So I try and force myself to social media

A world that

I do not feel like I belong on.

A world I don't really want to be on.

It's a time sink

It's my mom reading her Facebook feed out loud

It's everyone watching TikTok

When they hang out together.

In the same space,

But worlds apart,

Staring at their phones.

I am not averse to technology,

But I crave that human connection

That comes from experiencing something, with someone

Or a group of people,

At the same time.

I have always thought

That music has the power to do that.

I feel it every time I put on headphones.

Every time the lights go out,

And the band takes the stage.

That is what I want to do,

Connect with people.

I just need to figure out how to do that,

Without going crazy

Without losing myself

Without sacrificing my passions

Without my music.

Trial and Error

I guess.

Take a listen to the newest song: Kanye West!

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/6EWAAtsckeeNMotNvjSVRF

Apple Music: http://itunes.apple.com/album/id/1613682254

Bandcamp: https://themessiahs.bandcamp.com