Summer

I have a reflexive reaction to stay out of the sun

Ever since that time I got blisters across half my face from being out on a cloudy day

And my boyfriend kept poking the burn until it scarred

Years later the rough texture is finally gone

But when I look in the mirror I can still see the red, peeling skin

I get made fun of for being pale

And I wear a minimum of SPF 70

And reapply every two hours

But I like looking translucent

Even though the vitamin D deficiency makes my depression worse

Because if I looked in the mirror and saw someone tanner than my shade 11-0602 skin

I might completely dissociate

It doesn't feel like my body anymore

But every now and then, after a long winter

When spring finally breaks and the mountains of snow start to melt

The sun will shine through my car window

And I don't want to hide

And instead I roll down all the windows

And blast my high school songs

From when school was just about to get out for break

And my best friend and I would ditch study hall to buy doughnuts

With the crackling radio blaring as loud as it would go

"I've been a bad boy and it's plain to see"

"Killjoys make some noise"

"Come what may"

And I wonder why I'm so afraid of living in the sun

If it's the fact that I don't think anyone will love my bare skin

Or if I'm scared of another scar on top of all the other scars

But I started listening to my summer music today

And it felt good to roll down the windows

Even though I was still in my winter coat

Because the sun was still out as I was driving home

And the world's getting brighter every day