Left Behind

I feel like I've been left on the platform

As everyone I care about boards the train

To their futures

Getting married

Starting the careers of their dreams

Having kids

Meeting the love of their life

And I'm here

Still as depressed as I was when I was ten years old

And not getting much better

And giving up on therapy

And doubling up on medication

And alcohol

To try and curb the pain long enough to put on a smile at work

And pretend that I'm not in love

So I don't get hurt again

And lose one of the few people I care about

For the risk of someone caring back just as much

Because you're on that train

For the risk of someone caring back just as much

Because you're on that train

And you're moving forward

While I'm left here

Wondering if I'm that unlovable

To not be worth the risk

Or if I'm so bad

That I'm not an interest at all

As I smile and wave goodbye

To all of my friends moving on with their lives

I hope for the best

And my heart breaks

Because eventually you'll stop at your destination

And stop calling

And stop texting

And stop writing

Because your journey has you destined to go so far away from me

And the person you think will love you is there

And a nice apartment

And work at a job that you don't hate

I'll matter less and less

And someday I'll become a distant memory

Of what wasn't and what could have been

And I'll still be waiting here

Hoping you'll come home to me

Take the hint that I'm scared

Take the hint that I don't want to be alone anymore

Take the hint that I'll fall through the floor of this train station platform into hell

If that meant I could see you disappearing on the horizon again

As I keep waving goodbye

And you look away and don't look back