diary of a punk rock messiah #3 4.22.20

all my life i've been looking for love

tried getting it from family

but they don't understand me

and i push them away

each and every time

that i open my mouth

i can't stop myself until i go to far

and i make them cry

i always take thing too far

i have very few friends

cause i don't have time for them

they just wanna talk sports

their emotions dictated by the outcome

they think what i love is dumb

they think I'm gay

cause i like the color pink

and because i write shitty poetry

six strings are my closest confidant

they know all of my secrets

hold all of my shame and regret

and they never judge me

for what i wear

how i talk

what i say

why i think

or who i spend my time with

when i am horny

or depressed

or desperate for human contact

none of these people give me love

they say that they love me

but i can't feel that love

i wanna be loved

and i want to love

but i don't know what that feels like

i still have feelings for a girl

who didn't give a damn about me

did i love her?

was it just a crush?

why do i still wish she were here with me

after all this time

but it can't be love

it looks nothing like love

as it appears in movies

or on teevee

no for me love

has always been one-sided

either i waste my love on someone

who doesn't want it

or they waste theirs on me

and i can't feel it

this is all i want

this is all i need