confidence 2.17.20

I wanna be confident

I act like I am

but it all falls apart

under the smallest

amount of scrutiny

its a lie easily found out

so blatant

its a technical foul

kick me out of the game

I believe in nothing

not even myself

and that can't be healthy

but I never claimed

to be well

I actually promise you

I am not okay

maybe if I tell myself

I can do it

I will start to actually

believe in the lie

its a plan so brilliant

get me out of my head

get myself out of

my own way

cause I am my own

greatest enemy

maybe drink will

slow down myself

long enough to

achieve something great

maybe drugs will

dull my own senses

and allow gold to be found

something's gotta give

right?