Sick

When you're really sick it's hard to remember a time when you were healthy.

When you could breathe through both nostrils freely.

When you weren't hooked up to an IV.

When you could rest easy knowing you'd wake up feeling fine in the morning.

You take your health for granted.

Until it's too late.

And you can't get up because of chronic pain.

Or lose all your hair.

Or go under the knife.

Or blow your nose again and again and still feel congested.

And lately my depression behaves in the same way.

I don't remember what it was like to feel normal.

I don't remember what it felt like to be happy and carefree.

I don't remember a time where my chest didn't ache with how sad and alone I constantly feel.

But, unlike when I start getting over a cold.

Or when someone goes into remission.

I don't get happy.

Or feel relieved.

I get scared.

Because I don't know how to be normal anymore.

And every second I'm happy is one second closer to my next slide into my mental state spiraling out of control.

My health is easy to take for granted.

And I wish my happiness was too.

Because at least I can forget about the last time I was sick.

Even for just a moment.

But I can't forget what it's like being miserable.