t-day type #2

I give up too easy

No its not that I give up,

but I get in my own head

and self sabotage.

Make myself fail,

I will always be a piece of shit

so I might as well fail at

anything that I try.

School came easy,

but that shit does not matter.

No one cares how much

you studied, or didn't.

I certainly didn't.

The one time I did,

I did worse on the test.

Self sabotage.

Psych myself out.

Again

and again.

It never fails.

Something small

feels massive in my head.

Mountains out of

fucking anthills.

Go tell it to your therapist.

Go tell it to someone who cares.

Everyone has problems;

what makes you so special?

Something in me knows

something in me does not want

to try and fail.

This is typed a week

before

it will be published.

I just need to vent.

This negativity needs to get

out of my head.

I need a drink.

I need a therapist.

I need to fuck someone.

I need someone to love.

I need to love myself.

I need, to love myself.

I need to love, myself.

28 years and I still don't.

28 years and I think I won't

ever really love myself.

Hello darkness my only friend,

I don't want to talk with you again.

I have the internet......

I am FUCKED.